That's Why I Left You My Angel...

That's Why I Left You My Angel...

Vikram:

I was invited to a marriage of my old school friend. She was a good friend when we were in school. I was hoping to see few of my old friends as these were the only times when we all used to get together. Well everything was going against my hope. There were no familiar faces around. I could only see elder people around who recognized and few of our teachers. I went near the stage said hi to my friend who was getting married. She looked really good in her brides dress. Well I was on my way to stage I looked at her and smiled she smiled back. That time I looked at a person who looked familiar standing at the corner of the stage smiling. I felt I surely had seen him somewhere. I started to move towards him. When he saw me and smiled at me I became sure we know each other. As I was approaching him I was trying to scan my mind to search his existence in my memories. Every attempt of mine ended with no result and I was in front of him. I said ‘Hi’ to him. His reply rattled me. He said:

“Sale Tu Kabse Formality Karne Laga. I think you didn't recognize me”.

Well the truth was out in a matter of a second that I really had not recognized him. He said his name and I was like:

“Oh My God, hell no you can't be him, no way, no way.”

He started laughing and reiterated the one mischief that we had done which was known only to two of us. I said: “It’s really you” so loudly that the marriage ceremony almost had halted for a second with all the eyes on us for next 5 minutes.

I stood there with him talking about the fun we had in school and suddenly it struck to me that the girl getting married was once the reason for his heart to beat. I mean he loved her more than anything.

I asked him what happened. He was not ready to say but I insisted on it and promised to keep his identity under wraps. I said tell me the story and I will try to make as many people aware if they are in similar situation. He agreed and we went to the days way back in our last year of school.

There was me lean thin and all energetic with this fat guy around me. I was playing around him. There came a girl’s voice calling my name. Suddenly the fat guy got all lit-up and he was more energetic than me and was running behind me like we were playing some hide and seek or chor - police game. I never felt that guy could ever run so fast. I couldn't get the reason we were running. Yet I was enjoying running as I always did in my school days. I didn't needed a reason to run just I liked to run. He knew that very well but the most surprising thing was he did catch me which was unimaginable thing for me. That action did teach me a lesson I cherish till today, if there is a will to do something no one can stop a person from doing it. After he caught me we made our way back to the girl who had called me. She said:

“You both are mad why were you running like that?”

I just raised my shoulder to show I didn't have any idea and said:

“Ask him I ran just because he ran after me...”

As soon as the girl looked at the fat guy he turned into some colour I can't describe as he was already red as he ran like wild bull behind me now added with a pinch of pink to it. Well I could not get why this colour change until we passed out from our Junior College that is 12^th grade. He just depicted the same answer saying he was not aware of his actions too. I saw towards him in astonishment and asked to myself why the hell did he run behind me then. Any how the question that raised in my minds were cleared soon as I saw the repeated trend of the actions only when that girl used to be around but never opened my mouth as I was proud to be a good secret keeper. “By the way, what the hell, it was not a secret I was never told about it to be a secret.”

Well days went by and the girl and this guy became good friends. I was still in the picture as I was straight and strong willed guy so I was used as the source of making up for their fights or better say I enjoyed seeing them fight, so I was the source and destination of their fight. Well this is their story and let me begin with it after a long introduction of our relationships with each other. Let me name the two characters and myself here: Vikram that's me, Rohan the fat guy and Tamanna the sweet girl. Why Tamanna? Cause I like this name...

In front of the school Rohan and Tamanna were waiting for me to join them. It was a usual day in our 10^th grade school. Rohan and Tamanna were waiting for me outside the school gate at the railing.

Rohan: “Hi Tamanna, how are you doing?”

Tamanna: “Paka matt yaar kal jaisi thi waisi hi hoon aaj, What change would I have in one day.”

Rohan: “Yeah right aur bata?”

Tamanna: “Tujhe aur kuch nahi aata 'Aur Bata?' aur 'What else?' ko chodkar.

Vikram: “Aur sale yahan baithe kya kar raha hai? Ohh wow Tami you look wow...”

Tami = Tamanna and she grew pink at this comment. As usual I created a scene for their fight.

“Tami Tujhe Rohan ne bataya ki nahi he is going out on vacations to Himachal with his parents.”

This was enough for them to fight. Well it was fun seeing them fight and I did enjoy seeing it actually. Rohan thanked me for the same in 12^th grade when he did tell me about his feelings for her that he actually enjoyed it too.

Tamanna: Sahi hai mujhe kisi aur se hi pata chalta hai tu kahan jayega aur kya karega vacations mein.

Rohan: No I was about tell you before which he said it to you.

Tamanna: Bas bahut angrezi jhad liya school se bahar nikal chuke hai ab apni sahi bhasha mein aaja.

Rohan: Har baar ka hai yaar ye tera Vikram.

Vikram: Meine socha abtak tune bata diya hoga mujhe kya pata tha ki tu abtak nahi bataya.

Tamanna: Precisely the point. Ab tak pure school ko pata hoga bas mujhe abhi pata chala hai. Don't you talk to me ever again if this is what you call as friendship..

Rohan was so infuriated that if you had a microscopic view at his skin then you would feel there were fumes coming out of his body. But in this case he used to get angry but was not able to do anything but smile in furious condition and take up all the talk. Finally I calmed them down and patched the breach between them.

Soon I felt I was being too involved in their space so I slowly went out of it keeping in mind they would not feel my absence and soon they didn't. I phased myself out of their time we still used to spend time but quite less than before.Tamanna knew the group I was associated with was a bit away from girly stuffs and more into sporty and rougher ideology. This phasing out took around a year’s time the whole of 11^th grade was used up to phase out. Well things turned out to be real fine but initially it was a tough phase wherein we used to clash over everything. During the vacation between 11^th end and 12^th start I had never contacted them and then it was not so hard to even not notice them or even share pleasantries as I felt I had gone way away from them.

Time went by and this part of story which I missed was narrated to me by my friend Rohan.

Rohan:

I was back from a vacation after my 11^th exams. Vacation time was over and the next day classes were going to resume. I tried contacting Vikram but as usual he was unavailable. He was out and he had joined some classes, so unlike of him. I decided to ring up Tamanna don't know how it came to my mind but I just took out the diary and dialed the number. Phone bell rang my heart started pounding like some horse is residing in it and trying to kick himself out of it. A male voice sounded at the other end. I thought I caught a paralytic attack.

“Hello... Hello... Who is this?... Hello...”

and the Phone went dead.

I was still holding the receiver to my ears like nothing had happened and with a look of disbelief. I was calling Tamanna for the first time as Vikram was these days too busy with his friends. He never noticed what was going around with us. I so hoped he was with us as I needed a friend with whom I can share things. Yet he is an idiot always teasing around running around thinking that he is the best athlete around. I thought of calling her again as she was the only friend I had with whom I used to share things. While dialed the number again I realized that the previous time I called her, her father would have picked up the call. I decided to speak up this time and thought what's wrong if a friend calls his friend and as it is I’m not calling her everyday it’s just that I needed someone to share the information with. Next thing I heard was a ring and a Hello that shook my heart. I never understood then why my heart used to pound like I explained above. “Hi Tamanna” I said. “No she is out playing with her friends. By the way who is this?” asked the voice form the other end of the phone.

“I..I am Vikram speaking...”and then without any other thought I kept the receiver down. I was angry on myself, why couldn't I say my name out. Next day in the morning Tamanna came over to me and asked “you called me yesterday right??”I looked for a space where I could hide myself but couldn't find any. I had to accept the truth.

“Pagal mein hi thi phone par teri le rahi thi aur tu darke Vikram ka naam bol diya.” and she started laughing like mad. “Teri itni kyun fat ti hai mere parents ke saath baat karne mein?”

“Pata nahi par I am a statue in front of them.”

She started laughing on hearing this.

Well after this I was surprised on what she had to say next and it gave me a shiver.

“Tu mere ghar aaja iss Saturday ko.”

My eyes wide open on this in disbelief. She said “Don't you worry they won't cut you and eat you.” and started laughing.

“Waise tune call kyun kiya tha?”

I told her that “I was missing Vikram and wanted to share things so I called you.”

She said “Woh bewakuf badal gaya. Apne aap ko kya samjhta hai aajkal pata nahi. Usko kabhi milne de properly samjhati hoon usse.”

I said “He is not like that he is different and I don't know what he is thinking now.” On this she said “Don't you bloody support him I will kill you.”

The day ended peacefully as we were having only each other to talk with about what was going on in the classes. The days went by and on Friday evening after the college timing Tamanna reminded me of coming to her house the next day. I resisted but she insisted on the point. As usual I never could go beyond a limit in our arguments and gave up before it could get ugly.

On Saturday I planned to go to her place early in the morning but I got up a bit late. Reaching her house and calling her was the main problem may be she too knew that. I don't know what was she doing out of her house but I could see she was more than happy to see me coming towards her and she smiled towards me which was not as the usual school one, well she was not in school but at her house so that was the major difference. That smile and happiness of her made my heart skip a beat and I knew at that moment that I was falling for her. As soon as I reached in front of her and said “Hi Tamanna Good Morning” she stared at me and then at the watch indicating that I was way too late. I saw Aunty at the gate approaching towards us. I said “Hello Aunty” and smiled.

Aunty looked at her and then smiled at me and said “Hello Beta What is your name?”

I was stunned at this suddenly I was out of my comfort zone I don't know what happens to me whenever someone elder to me questions to me. I stop thinking at that particular moment. She was looking at me surprised at this and she said “His Name is Rohan he is my classmate.”. “Aao Beta andar aao bahar kya kar rahe donon.”

We went in I met her dad and her younger brother. He was sweet little boy. Me and Tamanna spent some time and I felt I was lurking a bit too long at her place so I thought of leaving from there. By the way Tamanna did say her parents how I was scared of any parents around me. They looked at me sympathetically scolded her for teasing me on this. That day I laughed a lot and I am sorry Vikram to say that I never missed you on that day even a single time. We had a great time together.

I started going to her house quite regularly and she also started coming to my house. We started liking each other’s company. We used to laugh, decide on things, play and of course study too.

Mid of the 12^th Vikram got in touch with me and said he was not willing to talk to Tamanna so he said “Don’t tell her I am in contact with you.”

We started meeting and he was a great friend always. He knew what he was doing. He used to ask me about both of us and I knew he knew about my feelings for her. But I had decided to tell him about my feelings to her after completion of our board exams. I was grateful to him that he never asked a single time about our relationship. He supported me in my studies and pushed me always whenever he felt I needed a push. Days went by we were nearing boards when he said I should be studying with Tamanna. I did so and helped her in our common subjects and she helped me back. After our 12^th board exams I toldhim every bit of things that I felt for her and he smiled and said his tag line “Mujhe Pata Hai” in school days whenever he used to say this I used to get angry but today I was greatful that he was around and he actually knew that. Well after 12^th he had to depart to Dehradoon for his engineering in IT. He met both of us for the one last time. Tamanna was as she said angry on him and didn't talk to him. He looked at me and smiled. He never Looked at her or talked to her. He had said something that made me think about what I am doing or what he was doing was right or wrong as he said it was the final blow. He just said Hi and Bye to Tamanna neither anything before that nor anything after that. Tamanna kept on looking towards him but he never looked back. I was feeling regretful at that moment as we both were left alone. I saw something that I had never seen before. I saw tears in the eyes of Tamanna. She started abusing him like hell. I still remember how difficult it was after knowing the truth from both end. I had to take care of her. I felt bad for her and her feelings that were hurt badly that evening. Eventually I was able to make her smile. She thanked for that and did something that made my heart stop and make my heart stop for a second and make my whole body numb and cold. She had kissed me on my cheeks saying you are the sweetest friend. You know what friendship means. As I was trying to come back to terms. She clutched my hands in her which she had never did till now and said “Chal ghar tak chod mujhe.” Well that day was really a great memory for me that I can never forget. I was just walking like a shadow alongside her it was just the difference that I could hold her hands and shadow can't. She was too lost in her memories and I was trying to get back to myself. I had a different shine that day on my face I can't explain. I was feeling the mark of her kiss still remained on my cheek. I felt like cutting that part of the cheek and framing it forever. Well stupid thoughts but true ones that I felt that day. I was in Love with her for more than a year and a half now I mean from the time I had first went to her house where I realised the meaning of Heart Pumping extra hard in her presence till today when I was rewarded with kiss for my care for her. I couldn't sleep that night.

It was hard times for us as I had got admission in a college in Engineering in a remote place in Maharashtra and she in Pune doing her MBBS. Well we made it a point we will keep in touch with each other no matter what once a week. But practically it became hard after a couple of months. Her finance my finance my studies her busy schedules usually meant we hardly talked to each other. Anyhow me and Vikram were in touch. Every month we used to talk for hours. Actually I felt bad as he used to call me and used to say “Arey Tu chupkar jab paise nahi rahenge call nahi karunga. Jabtak hai tabtak call karunga aur waise bhi mera koi number nahi hai jahan tu call kare.”. He used to call from STD booth at around 9:30 half price timings. He used to say to me that don't make it very late to tell her about your feelings as she also likes you now. But I had planned for the completion of my engineering as my date to tell her my feelings for her. My talks with her became rare. I used to think a lot about her every day and night. One day she called me late at night and said that one of her friend committed suicide and she was her roommate. She was crying like hell. I told her don't cry I would be there in few hours’ time. I will take you home. Well I was in 5^th sem that is third year when this incident occurred. The past two years had got on me. I had lost weight considerably. It’s since then that I had become thin and I knew that when Vikram would meet me he will not recognise me. Well he was true he had crisis during this time he never was in contact. I got up packed my bags. Took one of my best friends Bike and took off for Pune. I reached there in 3 hours. I saw she was totally broken crying continuously sitting in a corner near a bench at reception. I rushed towards her. As soon as I was in her vision she Jumped up and hugged me. I just said to the college management our families are friend and I am here to take her back home if you give permission. I had to call her parents to make the things clear for the management. Her parents were worried at home. I took her out gave some tea to calm her down. It was morning 6:30. It was damn cold. But I dint show any sign of my shiver to her as I was busy calming her down. As I had the fear that if she cries more she would faint out. Eventually she calmed down but this time around when she looked at me there was a different look that I had never seen her looking at me and she came near me and hugged me. I had never had felt so warm in years. My eyes were shut automatically. I could feel warm then. It was a different hug. I opened my eyes realizing we were in Public and I never had held her in the hug. I took her on the bike well she had the sweater but her hug had gave me so much energy that I never felt a shiver till we reached Khopoli. As we reached Khopoli, I stopped the bike took another cup of hot tea and wrapped my hands around it and left a sigh of relief. My eyes are always watery in Winters. Seeing that expression of mine she almost giggled. We didn't speak for the rest of the road and we reached her place. She gave a little tap on my helmet and looked at me with that strange look and said thanks with a tone that was new to me too.

After that incident we were too close to each other sharing each and every step. She gave me thousands of signs she was falling for me but I ignored them all as I felt she took me as a special person and a friend. I used to get near to say her things that I wanted to say and suddenly she used to change the topic. That made me think that she was not interested in me anymore. She always used to feel calm and comfortable around me but I couldn't see that. As I went into the mode of campus interview I became busy and could not contact her. I dint have cell phone but she had got it for herself. She used to call me at the hostel but I was never available in those days. I never got a job in campus that's the different story but that created a gap between us. As I started nearing my final year examination I started to plan out my special lines to her. I had written many lines but scratched them all away. Finally I had written a line that came out of my heart as she was in my thoughts while writing that line. Final sem’s paper were nearing and I was excited every bit as it was approaching near, so unlike of me. Well exams went well as I never was tensed because the only thing driving me was the thought of telling Tamanna my feeling that was resting in my heart for years now. The day I completed my exams I gave a call to her. She gave me news that she was seeing this guy who lives near her college and who is from Mumbai. He was nice and he had proposed her. And she said that shehad not yet said yes to him. I couldn't get the sign again. I felt depressed,well I barely managed to pass the exams but I managed it. I was not a tough cookie like Vikram. He was going through a really bad phase I had talked to him once and he had said “Arey bewakuf signs dekh signs who aakey tujhe nhi bolegi mujhe propose kar.” He had 2 years dropped in his engineering but still he managed to talk normally.

With disappointment I lost all hopes of getting her but I thought of doing one thing. I thought of no matter what I would propose her as soon as I get the first job. I got a great job as the interviewer thought I was technically a great asset. In my mind I said to myself “what a dumb?”. As decided I called her. “Hey hi Rohan Mom and Dad were asking about you... Rohan I am getting engaged tomorrow and getting married two months from now.”I couldn't speak a word. A single word could not come out of my mouth but the one thing that kept streaming were tears. I dint know how and when they came out but the flood gates were thrown away. I just cut the phone without saying a word. In the state of shock I reached home. There my parents were reiterating the same story. I had to smile in front of them as we were only friends for them. But the sadness in my eyes conveyed them the story. Mom asked me “Did you ever tell her?”

I shook my head and started crying. I said to myself that “I will tell her but I will not marry her.”.

I went to her engagement showed that I am enjoying a lot. Her eyes were stuck on me and I decided it was not the right time to tell her.

10 days before marriage I thought of telling the truth about Vikram so that at least we would meet in one stage with all the things between us sorted out. I sent her the message: “Vikram knew that you were falling for him and he thought I was falling for you and he was not ready for a relationship with you as he respected you as friend. He was wrong to do things he had done to you by ignoring you for these many years. At least he could have called you once in these years as your feelings went dead for him long back. I did tell him once to call you but he said he dint want to give it any chance and said at least woh jo soch rahi hai mere bare mein uss mein usko sirf nafrat milega mere liye. Whenever she needs me I will be there for her. Well he did things in wrong way, maybe you can't ever forgive him but you can call him for what he had done was stupid, but he deserves an invite for old friendships sake.”

I knew she would have cried a lot after reading this message. There was no reply. I think she would have called him.

I was preparing myself to send her the message about how I felt about but words were less to express and words were the only thing I could have used to express.

Three days before her marriage I sent her a message:

“Hi Tamanna…

Well I had to talk about this to you. Though after recent events, I thought of never saying it to you. I Love You and had Loved you since the day I had first come to your house, or maybe even before the day I raced against Vikram to reach you.. I tried lots of time after the suicide incident to tell you how much I Loved You and that I can do anything for you. I just couldn’t do for so many reasons. But giving reasons is like you are trying to cover up on something wrong. Well this is wrong but I had to do this the same way I had done things previously. Bahut kuch kehna chahta tha par kuch nahi keh paaya. Par ek chiz hai ab jakar na kuch karna chahta hoon na karunga, so don’t reply back and don’t say this to anyone. I can’t do anything just for the reason to see your parents’ smile at their place. To not be selfish and hurt the person’s feeling who loves you like I do. Think of it if you were to marry me and some other person comes and takes you away from me 2 days before my all dream would have come true, how would I had felt at that time. This particular thought stopped me from doing anything stupid during your engagement otherwise I would have told that day itself. Well Tamanna I would be with you as a friend as you have always imagined me to be. Thank you for understanding and I know you would as you always have till now.”

No reply, but it was then that I felt so greatful of her that my heart said go take her away but I stopped myself.

I had the feeling that Vikram would come. I know he will ask me things. I had one thing to say to him,“jo hua woh hona tha…”

As I saw Vikram coming in to the marriage hall, as his instincts were he was trying to find someone known to him. Few uncles met up with him and his expressions after meeting them were really hilarious and worth watching. He had changed a lot in his way of speaking and handling things he was no more social he had become bindas kind. It was much more hilarious due to that. After a lot of search he looked towards me and I couldn’t conceal my smile. He felt he knew me but was not sure who I was as I had turned thinner than what he was. His eyes searching for the answer who am I. He came near me and as I had said he dint recognize me. I had never expected a “Hi” but that’s the conversion starter for him these days I guess. I just was having fun I knew he had not recognized me. I said “Sale Tu Kabse Formality Karne Laga. I think you didn't recognize me”.

and I told him, I am Rohan.

Vikram:

Well here he ended his thoughts for me. It was easy for not writing things as they were as I had only written them not felt them.

The last thing he said looking at her was “That's the reason why I am not there with you My Angel”

I went on the stage with a little rose in my hand and with bright smile a characteristic of mine…

I felt she would just forget it’s her marriage and start hitting me with anything that sticks to her hand.

Well I gave the beautiful bride a flower told her,agli baar miloge toh pura mauka dunga marneka aaj teri shaadi hai shaant baith…

She nodded to it and smiled and went down.

We started living our own life afresh after that day.